Sexy MF Shoes

I want to be sure I’m clear on something. A good-looking pair of shoes is pure joy. Wearing boots with just the right amount of lift in the heels feels powerful and sexy. I like shoes quite a lot.

I just can’t wear them much anymore. They don’t feel good, instantly, and like a toddler, I want to tear them off. If I keep them on, they feel normal again. Then, an hour or two later, my body aches, and I remember why I can’t wear them anymore. 

There is one place, however, where high heels belong, and that place is the bedroom. I used to think, well, I’ll wear higher heels to a party. Everyone sees me in my killer heels for a nanosecond, and then I’m in pain for hours for a nanosecond of “whoohoo! me in my hot-ass heels!” So, whatever, I’ll play up the cleavage instead. I’ve got options. 

In a recent Glamour magazine poll about shoes (yes, the magazine ran an entire article featuring women’s collective responses to shoes, and if you don’t understand why they’d do that, then I’m sure I lost you the moment I began this post), women were asked if they “ever had sex in just heels.” An astounding 63% responded “no, that sounds silly!” rather than “yes, it’s hot.” Glamour readers, wtf? It’s totally hot. 

I keep a pair of heels just for this purpose. Okay, I’ve worn them out a few times, which increases the hot factor since they are now inextricably linked to sex. I don’t know that I could ever abuse my body that way again, teetering around, praying I don’t twist my ankle or break my foot (32% of poll respondents had twisted their ankles and 5% fractured their foot due to their shoes). But I totally can put on heels for a quickie. Heck, I don’t even have to be standing for all that time anyway - and they’ll still look hot.